Tales of Homura's Harem
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Summary: "Akemi-chan," Mami said with highly strained patience. "When two TV personalities say 'don't try this at home', DON'T!" Some short drabbles on Homura's harem girls. Het, Yuri, crack


A/N: Because she be BADASS!

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Tales of Homura's Harem

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: Puella Magi Madoka Magica belongs to SHAFT. Damn you and your heart-wrenching but highly compelling story, Gen Urobuchi! Homura belongs to Madoka. You know, I know it, she knows it. Madoka is nice enough to let her keep a harem.

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**Remembering ****Your First Time**

Kaname Madoka never thought she would die in another's arms.

It wasn't in her nature to think of such things. For all the battle she waged, her heart was light, her intentions pure and selfless. She understood death was conceptually a possibility (though she wouldn't put it quite that way. It was Mami-sempai who knew words like 'conceptually') being a Puella Magi, but it never really came to her as anything real.

Not until Mami died before her.

Staring down at the seeming sleeping Mami, so peaceful, so wise, as Homura wept, she felt the full import of what she risked. For the first time, she felt the possibility of the bitter pang of mortality.

For the first time, her own darkness bore fruit within her Soul Gem.

The last thing she saw was the horrified look on Homura's face as she faded away…

She regretted ever dragging her into this…

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**First Try**

"Hmm..." Homura said, her glasses askew, ears ringing. "I don't think I mixed that right… am I missing an eyebrow?"

Madoka and Mami both looked up from the crate they'd dived behind.

"That was an, ah, good effort, Homura-chan..." Madoka said hesitantly, one finger in her ears to clear it.

Mami was more straightforward. "Akemi-chan," she said with highly strained patience. "When two TV personalities say 'don't try this at home', **DON'T!**"

...

**Mami and ****Homura**

"Don't worry," Mami promised the second time around as she gently caressed Homura's face. "We'll take care of you…"

Homura clung to her tightly, promising that _this_ time, things would be different, better…

…

"Well," Mami said, blinking dazedly as she stared up at the ceiling of Homura's room. "I certainly wasn't expecting _that. _That couldn't possibly have been you evil intentions from the start, Homura-chan?"

Homura blushed. "N-no!" she stuttered, feeling an irrational urge to pull her blanket up higher. It wasn't like it would hide anything that hadn't been already seen… among other things…

Mami laughed and kissed her. "I was kidding… honestly, you're so cute when you're flustered… never change…"

Homura gasped as Mami took her from behind…

…

A return later, Homura bitterly considered the irony of those words.

...

**Enhancement**

Other Puella Magi always thought Mami had wished for bigger breasts. Why else were they so large compared to before she made her wish? The truth was far more simple.

After all, she had to put all that magic yellow ribbon _somewhere..._

...

**With Age**

The first word Tatsuya ever spoke, according to his mother, was "Madoka". It was certainly the first word her remembered saying. He often wondered about it. He sometimes saw glimpses of a face in his minds eye, blurred by age and distance from childhood. A smiling face, warm and tender, the face of one who loved him. He stared at his childish doodles, and saw them for infantile attempts to draw this face, somehow so important, even if he didn't know why.

One night, lying in bed with a woman he'd met while drinking, an older, beautiful woman, he told her of the face, and waited for the polite curiosity and strangeness. Instead, she had smiled and traced her finger across the rumpled sheets. They didn't take well, but even in the darkness, undisturbed, they made a face.

"Ma-do-ka," she said, smiling sadly.

He never saw the woman again.

...

**As Seen On TV**

Miki Sayaka had never held a sword in her life. No one ever asked her why it was her weapon. After all, people seemed to expect magical warriors to wield swords as a matter of course. Yet she dreaded ever being asked.

After all, "I saw it in a video game and thought it was cool" was probably no excuse.

...

**Ask ****A Stupid Question**

"I wish…" Madoka considered as Mami and Sayaka nodded enthusiastically. "I wish I knew why Akemi-san is so cold towards me…"

One soul gem later, Kyubey passively reflected if more research into this 'fear' thing should be done. It might certainly cut back on such abrasive wear on his bodies… and oh, there he was getting kicked again…

Madoka ended up with a shield just like Homura's.

Homura, naturally, freaked.

...

**To Not Only Bring Hope, But Be ****Hope Itself**

"Feel blessed, Hal Jordan," Saint Walker said. "The Entity of Hope is here."

"Madoka has come to Earth..."

...

**- To be continued...**

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A/N: Let's see how long before the crack and even MORE crossovers creeps in…

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


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